These Words

Mood: Pensive but content
Music: Everblue by Mandy Moore
Date/Time: Wednesday, 10th June, 2009/2:30AM

I've read my last entry "Fork in the Road" more times than I care to admit. Each time searching for a meaning behind my own words, searching for that emotion and trying to decide if what I feel for you is simply lust or something more.

What's it like for you to be in love with me? I wonder.
How do you accept me for me and never let the things I've warned you about, be a bother?
Do you truly understand my temperament? My moods? How incredibly miserable I can be? Does it cross your mind that these sweet words I write today - can turn into words that sting, tomorrow?
Doesn't it worry you to know that at any minute I could turn and walk in the other direction?


Does it bother you that it's easier for me to tell you how I feel in words - than if you were standing before me?
Or does a part of you get a kick out of knowing that I'm speaking directly to you, and only a handful of people reading this know it's you?

I'm sorry I was not there for you yesterday, I know you needed me - and I admit that this agreement we've made regarding intimacy is a problem for us both. How can it not be?
You don't know the things I want to do you. The things I think about. The things I...
Let me not say, since you are not the only person that can read these words.
But I thank you, for agreeing to wait - even if it is torture for us both.
You are so patient and understanding when it comes to my unresolved issues. I do not deserve this...but here you are and refusing to leave my side.

I'm still standing at the fork in the road, but the road to "I like you" is looking a lot more appealing than it was two days ago.

So I ask you...with an audience watching...
Dinner @ 6pm on Thursday evening?
Please say yes, my ego can't handle any other answer but "yes".

Love,
Ally.



Photo credit: "With Sugar on Top"; Wednesday, June 11th, 2009
Video credit: Everblue by Mandy Moore, a fan-made video by youtube user MrRollyMiniano. Check out Mandy Moore's new album, not your Candy-sweet Mandy from days gone by.