Mood: Pensive
Music: Mama Who Bore Me (Reprise) - Spring Awakening: A New Musical
Date/Time: Monday, 15th June, 2009/4:40AM
I have a couple of recurring dreams, one I've had twice in the past week is the "elevator dream". The second time was last night. I hate that dream. I really do.
It always starts with me in business attire - whether casual office wear or dressed to the nines to meet the Prime Minister - entering an elevator in a building.
The building is always huge, we're talking 80 floors or more huge. Things are normal, I'm going higher than the other people with me, one by one they exit the elevator until eventually I'm alone.
And then the elevator starts to drop. Sometimes it goes to the top floor, and then drops rapidly. Over and over and over. It moves so quickly my body feels like I'm fighting against G-force, and I'm stuck crouching on the ground - bracing my body in the corner. The numbers on the display move rapidly, my breathing is shallow, I am panicked and waiting for the elevator to hit the bottom.
In some of the dreams, I'm preparing to start jumping when I think the elevator is going to hit the bottom. Sometimes as it's about to hit bottom, it goes back up again. Taunting me.
However, last night two things were different in this recurring dream:
1. There was someone else in the elevator with me.
2. The elevator was in a huge glass building, the elevator shaft itself was encased in a sort of frosted glass. Sunlight was coming in from outside and I could see as the elevator was nearing the bottom of the shaft, clearly. Even though I was afraid of the glass shattering, it was comforting to be able to see when the elevator was nearing the bottom.
I was woken up twice on Sunday morning so I never finished the dream...I think that was the only good thing about being woken up long before I was ready.
The elevator dream is scary, not only because I'm not in control and the situation is unpredictable - but because in the dream - it's so vivid that it takes me awhile to realize it's just a dream...and sometimes after I've realized it is a dream - I still can't wake up.
I find it interesting that in the dream this time, I wasn't alone and I could see outside the elevator.
I think the elevator dream happens because I feel stressed or overwhelmed with things going on in my life - if I use that analogy - then having someone with me in the elevator means I don't feel alone going through the current rough patch I've been experiencing, and being able to see through the frosted glass means that things aren't 100% clear, but are clearer than they've ever been.
I mean I have to. Sometimes it's better to focus on the positive, instead of the negative.
This weekend and the drama and the emotional...events showed me that.
And what did I do? I focused on the positive.
Life goes on, and me? I'm healing - completely. Once and for all.
And...I have the first chapter of my life story...oddly enough - from my dysfunctional family. How's that for irony?
Love,
Ally.
Photo Credit: The Humming Bird Feeder at Gap Cafe; One Weekend in August 2002
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