Fork in the Road

Mood: Pensive
Music: Centre of the Sun - Conjure One featuring Poe
Date/Time: Monday, 8th June, 2009/3:08AM

It has been 4 weeks and one day since I started this journey, and since that time - the spirit has been weak but the flesh has not been willing.
I have never lied to you about that side of me, and for some reason you seem to like that candour about me, even if you don't always like my answer.
However, I admit that I haven't told him about you, and that yes, he's still calling me.


I admit it, I like you - but now we're at that fork in the road: where "I like you" meets "I like you so much I'm liable to run".
I think that is why I have yet to tell him I can't see him any more. Just like you don't want to tell your friends for fear of jinxing this good thing we have going on - I don't want to tell him you're in the picture - and then things don't work out between you and I.
Is that selfish of me? To not want to lose you, after giving him the push out of my life? To not want to give up someone who will never mean as much to me, as you do?

I'm scared, I admit this, and I'm confessing this to you in the most unlikely of places...on the worldwide web.
How's that for candid and honest?
I started making a list, and it took me one minute to get from item 1 to item 8. It wasn't hard, and if the photo could have fit any more, I could have made 3 pages of scribbling in under 10 minutes.

I can tell you all these things, yet I can't label this thing between us, neither can I let him go - fear is such a cruel master.
The sad part...I know where this is coming from, it's coming from that moment somewhere between 1AM and 7AM on Sunday morning - when I was trying to tell you how I felt and you stopped me.
And that is a part of why I said: maybe it's a good thing you stopped me.

Everything does really happen for a reason, doesn't it?

Perhaps I shouldn't write so honestly when my mind is restless and in limbo.
But for what it's worth, I like you. A lot.
And just in case you're looking for me: I'm standing here at the fork in the road...waiting for you.

Love,
Ally.




Photo Credit: "The List: items 1 through 8"; Monday, 8th June, 2009

Video Credit: Centre of the Sun by Conjure One, a fan-made video featuring clips of the Anime "Metropolis", made by youtube user Tr1p0d