3 A.M.

Mood: Pensive
Music: For Emma by Bon Iver
Date/Time: Saturday, 20th June, 2009/2:54AM

I'm exhausted but restless.
I had company on Friday night, and I laughed and talked and felt so alive for the first time this week.
It's been a deary time lately - dealing with so many things - things coming from different directions. Things I neither want to think about nor deal with. And worse, having a moment of envy when it came to someone who is (in)directly connected to one of my issues - realizing that this person is out living the life and doesn't seem to care about what happened. It was a painful moment to realize that their talk of caring and wanting to be there was just that...talk.
I'm old enough to know better, disappointed I believed them in the first place.


But I did something I haven't done in awhile, I did a mental check and dumped some of the negativity. I did this while washing my hair in the shower. It's amazing how much one can get done in the shower. It's a place of peace and leisure - unless you are unfortunate to live in a house with others or are on a deadline of some sort. I would have spent longer, but I was expecting guests.

It is 3:18AM on Saturday, 20th June - and I feel not only restless but pensive in a way I haven't felt in years. I have reached a cross roads in my life - a place where I have serious decisions to make and have to decide what direction my life will take for the next few years.
I'm not scared about the decisions, I'm more restless that I'm not doing what I really want to be doing - but isn't that life? You have to balance between what you want to do and what you need to do.

But whatever I decide, I need to make sure I'm doing it for all the right reasons and that the end of the day, I look out for number one...ME.

Love,
Ally.

Photo Credit: Happy Feet; November 2004