Mood: Relieved to be able to write
Music: The Consequences of
Falling - k.d. lang
Date: Wednesday, September, 1st, 2010
There are few moments in life you don't want to experience more than once, and one of those moments is gathering all the items another person has left in your space, and waiting for them to be picked up, or delivering them yourself. You cannot ignore the cracking of your façade, when you're touching items that do not belong to you, to return to their owner. You can pretend a break up doesn't bother you until that moment when you're placing memories into a box marked "return to sender".
And since I can no longer ignore this moment I've been putting off, I am going to tell you how I've been spending my time since June14th, 2010.
About Persephone
- Allison Charmaine
- Kingston, Jamaica
- If you want to know more about me, or to gain access to my private blog, e-mail me at: allisoncharmaine@gmail.com
Mood: Calm
Music: Lets Get Lost - Beck And Bat For Lashes
Date: Tuesday, July 6th, 2010
Disclaimer: This story and associated image are safe for work.
I haven't posted a short story in awhile, so I felt it was time to share another. I penned this story on Friday, July 2nd, 2010, shortly after waking up that morning. Enjoy it.
Love,
Ally.
Photo Credit: Legs in the River at Castleton; Saturday, June 26th, 2010
Mood: Self-Reflection
Music: In a Sentimental Mood - John Coltrane
Date: Thursday, July 1st, 2010
There comes a point in life when you need to evaluate your path, and decide if it's in your best interest to continue on the path, or step off it and create a new path. I personally believe that without self-reflection, you are simply existing and not living.
Dear Readers, let me apologise for not writing for the past 2 months. I offer an apology, and an explanation I hope you will understand: I simply could not write. I was (and to some extent still am) going through so much change, that I couldn't process, much less write out my thoughts in the manner we've both gotten accustomed to.
I could not be my open self with you, weaving words and phrases into that seamless conversational tone with which I write. I could not be myself, and as much as it hurt me not being able to write, it hurt me more to think about filling the space with fluff....so I chose the path of silence.
Mood: Content and Relieved
Music: I Never Told You - Colbie Caillat
Date: Thursday, April 15th, 2010
Letters to Past Lovers, the Series
Letter to my soul mate, The Final Letter
Thursday, April 15th, 2010
Dear (name deleted),
There is a thin line between love and stalking, and sometimes I wonder if either if us has crossed it. You are the only person I have ever loved, that when I think about - I know you are thinking about me. You are the only person I have loved, that when I think about, I know you will contact me.
Whenever I tell people about the connection you and I have, they look at me oddly, perhaps shake their head and give me a glazed over look that suggests they're thinking "okay dear, if you say so."
Music: Night and Day - Frank Sinatra
Date: Monday, March 29th, 2010
I feel like we've been on a journey these past couple of months, I feel like our relationship has grown beyond a mere courtship of carefully-worded sentences and witty turn of phrases crafted into imagery. These months, we've been having a conversation, you and I. Let's face it, when I'm really in the mood - I come here and rant to you. You listen without judgement, taking in my words and crafting your own witty retorts which you whisper in my ear through the beauty that is technology.
Mood: Happy
Music: 1812 Overture - Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
Date: Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010
DISCLAIMER: I'd like to point out that the comments are now working thanks to the magic of my friend Morphine who is a talented writer and photographer. I demand you visit her and leave a message on her facebook fan page reminding her how much I love her :)
The last entry was emotionally exhausting for me to write, and I've yet to decide if I'm 100% okay with opening up as much as I have on this blog. Funny, because when I started this blog a year ago, I wanted to keep it light-hearted and not mention parts of my past. How quickly that has changed. Perhaps that change is for the best. Today I'm going to go back to my light-hearted roots...here's a list of 20 truths according to me.
Mood: Calm, Mellow
Music: My Favourite Things - John Coltrane
Date: Thursday, March 18th, 2010
DISCLAIMER: This letter is a redacted version of the original. I felt the original was too graphic and detailed to post since it contained a lot of personal information that would reveal the identities of the persons mentioned. It is not my intention to reveal identities or paint a pretty picture - but to discuss how I feel about the past.
Photo Credit: 1984: War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength; Tuesday, March 9th, 2010; Photo taken by Curragon Lights Photography
Mood: Content and Grateful
Music: Knots - Carol Mandala
Date: Monday, 1st March, 2010
I had planned on writing an entry some time this week on reflections coming out of this weekend, and the things I mused about after my Uncle's funeral. However, my friend just told me she wants to know what it feels like to be in love, and as we discussed love I remembered this piece I was challenged to write but swept to the wayside after my uncle died.
My friend Stuart posted a link to an article about Mr. Right on his facebook, and it turned into a healthy debate about expectations and love. One of the respondents challenged he and I to write something on finding love and the right partner, and this is my half of that challenge. Normally I leave out names of persons but this time I have left his name because he deserves credit for me writing this piece - not only because he posted the initial article, or hosted the challenge on his facebook but because I wrote this piece in an hour after a discussion with him.
So now that you have your prologue, here is the draft of what I wrote.
Enjoy. If you have any feedback, you'll have to e-mail me or write on my facebook/twitter because the comments portion of my layout coding doesn't work, and I've been too lazy to find it and fix it.
Love,
Ally.
Photo Credit: Don't Drink the Kool-aid; Saturday, February, 13th, 2010
Mood: Clarity
Music: Stand Up - Hindi Zahra
Date: Thursday, February, 18th, 2010
My friend asked me on Monday night what I'm giving up for lent, and as we discussed the topic, I let him know that I don't believe in self-torture to prove a point about my commitment to God or how good of a Christian I am.
I really don't, because while I believe in Monotheism - I think it is safe to say my beliefs are more in line with Panentheism. I don't care for labels, I think often times they end up being more of a burden than an explanation.
Mood: Pensive
Music: Soldier of Love - Sade
Date: Thursday, 11 February 2010
I find that my best moments of inspired thought come in the most inconvenient places: in the shower, while cooking, or while falling asleep. These three places have the same thing in common – it’s hard for me to pull out pen/paper/phone or laptop to record my thoughts. My hand is either wet, covered in food or refuses to move because I’m groggy.
On Wednesday afternoon while cooking dinner, it occurred to me one of the lessons I eventually learned while cooking, applies to life: you can’t fry something properly if the pot is crowded. There are lessons you learn more than trial than error when it comes to both cooking and life. Then there are other lessons you need to learn through error and not trial.
Mood: Pensive
Music: Breakeven - The Script
Date: Wednesday, 3rd February, 2010
Letters to Past Lovers, the Series
Letter to my beloved muse
Monday, 1st February, 2010
Dear (name deleted),
I've been pensive for the past few weeks, and I've spent this time analysing why I am unhappy with our current situation. We are nothing, this is fact. Limbo is a more comfortable state than the present situation I have found myself in with you. And to steal a line from one of my favourite songs by Sara Bareilles: "...you're neither friend nor foe but I can't seem to let you go..."
Mood: Content
Music: Betty Davis Eyes - Kim Carnes
Date: Thursday, 28th January, 2010
I find that the older I get, the more effective I become at saying "fuck you" without actually using expletives.
I think there is a certain beauty in being able to convey a message in the nicest way possible, without being accused of being unruly or impolite - there is a time and place for everything, but some scenarios require more tact. Others...well let's just say I am known to curse like a sailor.
It was recently brought to my attention by a friend, that a former friend blocked them on facebook. And while this amused me, I thought about how petty someone can be to allow over a decade of friendship to disingreate to the point where they are blocking someone on facebook to avoid seeing their posts on walls of mutual friends.
Mood: Content
Music: All I Need - Radiohead
Date/Time: Monday, 18th January, 2010/11:58AM
EDIT: Why didn't someone point out to me that my "lysdexia" (dyslexia) had kicked in and I had "galley" instead of "gallery" when referring to the waving gallery?
CORRECTION has been made.
I find that the best moments in life are completely unplanned and unrehearsed. This is a profound statement coming from someone who is a notorious planner that lives in her head. I used to plan my entire day, from waking to going to bed - but when you work a 16 hour day, this is essential to maintaining your sanity. To-do lists and organisers were my friend, Google calender and a PDA - were like manna from heaven.
Mood: Pensive and Restless
Music: Green Light - John Legend feat Andre 3000
Date/Time: Friday, 8th January, 2010/11:26AM
Today I want to talk about lessons learned and lessons yet to be learned.
I realise that with age, does not necessarily come wisdom or experience - because sometimes I make the same mistakes over and over before realising that the problem is me for doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different outcome. But after all, isn't that the definition of insanity according to Einstein?
Mood: Pensive but Content
Music: Blue Monday (Jori Hulkkonen Mix #2) - Flunk
Date/Time: Tuesday, 5th January, 2010/10:50AM
A thought occurred to me on New Year's Day, as I laid in bed in the afternoon attempting to get some sleep: "New years are like birthdays: you know something is different but it takes you a few months to feel the difference..."
And it's true, today is the 5th January, 2010 and I have yet to write the date by hand, I've only done it in digital form and without explaining the obvious mental effect this has: it doesn't feel real to me.
Mood: Pensive and restless
Music: Gypsy - Shakira
Date/Time: Monday, 4th January, 2009/8:33AM
A part of me wants to do a "review in year" type entry for 2009 but a part of me wants to leave 2009 in the not-so-distant past.
Don't get me wrong, the year ended on a high note and I feel great about the progress I've made as a person, and the strides I will be making in 2010. However, that little part of me that hates to dwell on the past negatively - is thinking about how badly 2009 started, and the sprinklings of drama, pain and emotional turmoil that happened throughout the year.