Mood: Content
Music: Betty Davis Eyes - Kim Carnes
Date: Thursday, 28th January, 2010
I find that the older I get, the more effective I become at saying "fuck you" without actually using expletives.
I think there is a certain beauty in being able to convey a message in the nicest way possible, without being accused of being unruly or impolite - there is a time and place for everything, but some scenarios require more tact. Others...well let's just say I am known to curse like a sailor.
It was recently brought to my attention by a friend, that a former friend blocked them on facebook. And while this amused me, I thought about how petty someone can be to allow over a decade of friendship to disingreate to the point where they are blocking someone on facebook to avoid seeing their posts on walls of mutual friends.
As a joke, I checked to see if I could see this person's profile, we are not friends any more and to be honest since our friendship ended, I had no legitimate reason to try to find them before that night. I was blocked too. It amused me, so I penned a letter from my secondary account, and told her how incredibly petty she was. A letter that I am now going to share with you.
Let me preface this with a little history first - because I will be with first person to admit that not only am I a bitch when pissed off, but I will do things out of sheer spite or because I wish to be amused or antagonise someone. I am easily bored, sue me. But I readily admit that despite my flaws (one purpose of this blog, is to analyse those flaws) I believe in the value of friendship. You need the love true friendship provides to anchor you in life.
This woman, is someone I really did place on a pedestal. She was my best friend for 8 years and I thought that she was one of the most beautiful people I knew. She was a source of advice, knowledge and inspiration and while we never agreed on everything - I always felt that she there when I needed her. She was there when it came to important decisions, she was there when my heart was broken, she was there the day my parents separated. Our friendship was forged in the mutual pain experienced by the death of a mutual friend in highschool, and it withstood many tests. I loved her with all my heart, and our friendship was the closest thing I had to having an actual sister.
Do not doubt my ability to love deeply in any of my relationships, and as we know I am especially sensitive when it comes to the people I truly love.
This is the first time I have spoken publicly about what has happened, not only out of respect for her but because it really wasn't necessary to speak about it before. However, realising that she blocked me on facebook with no valid reason (I do not acknowledge her on-line, I don't harass her, I don't even troll facebook pages and drop her name) brought up everything for me and since this is my blog...I feel the need to vent.
Our friendship ended while I was breaking up with my last boyfriend - the night she told me that her boyfriend looked better than my now ex-boyfriend. In that statement, I saw an ugliness that I never saw in her before. Statements like that, are for bitches with no lives, who only get validation and self-worth from the men they allow into their lives and bed. We were not those women, and our friendship in my mind - was deeper and more important than who's man looks better.
I really did not care who's man looked better - but the fact that she even felt that statement was necessary made me re-evaluate everything...and her behaviour after didn't change my mind.
She had nothing to defend, because her statement in her mind was valid. We were beautiful women with bright futures that were not tied to the man on our arm. And in that moment, I lost my love and her words chipped away at my profound respect for her.
I can sugar coat anything when I love someone. And since that night my eyes have been opened to things I overlooked during our friendship, but that is a post for another day.
This is one of the most personal entries I will share with you - something I would write on my private blog.
Consider this a free lesson in the fact that you can know someone for years, but never really know the contents of their heart. It's a matter of principle, and I stand on principle that true friends who are not only secure in their selves, but their friendship NEVER need to compare their significant others in terms of looks. It's not a competition for who can have the better looking lover. There is no need for competition in friendship, that only begets jealously and envy.
Love,
Ally.
Photo Credit: Low Tide; Sunday, 13th December, 2009
Dear (name deleted),
Since 2007 I have had no contact with you except calling you when I thought someone was going to kill themselves, and you sending me a rather lengthy text that was a trite attempt at an apology, if that is what it was.
Since the day you told me that your man was better looking than mine, and I realised that you, someone I had placed on a pedestal and considered to be one of the most important persons in my life - was petty - I have had no interest in speaking to you.
I have not walked the streets of Jamaica slandering you; in fact not many persons even know that we no longer speak. This was of no consequence to me as life does in fact go on. I respect the fact that clearly you do not think you did anything wrong, since in your mind you are justified in saying that your boyfriend was better looking than my ex-boyfriend. That is fine.
I have not pestered you on Facebook, I have not made any reference to you on-line in any venue or format - this is fact. I have made no attempts to contact you. We do not even move in the same social circles. When you returned to Kingston, I never once put (former friend blocked) in the uncomfortable position of having to choose between time with you or time with me. I have not been around to make things uncomfortable socially. This is simply not an issue you have had to deal with.
In the same vein, I do not force your sister, (name deleted) to spend time with me, over you. I respect her time, and her decisions; she is her own woman and can make choices best for her regarding her time and activities.
It has been brought to my attention that you have blocked (former friend blocked), which honestly is downright petty since she has no interest in making your on-line existence miserable.
Almost as a joke, I checked to see if I could click your profile. It amused me to see that I can't view your profile with my main account, but I can with my secondary account. I use the word amuse for all the reasons listed above. I could understand if I were harassing you, constantly trying to "friend" you on Facebook, or even making constant reference to you on any of our mutual friends' pages. But I have not.
It really is your choice to block whom you wish to block, but I must thank you for reminding me how petty you are.
Petty enough to block (former friend blocked) instead of working out your issues with her like an adult.
Petty enough to lose your friendship with me over the type of comment “other” women make, not strong, confident, beautiful women like I thought we were.
Petty enough to send me that text you sent last year, without actually apologising for anything or taking necessary steps to back up your statements with actions.
And now…petty enough to block me, a person who has not given you a valid reason to be blocked.
In this moment I feel nothing but pity for you, life is short and instead of living it to the fullest; you chose to both isolate yourself, and burn bridges that can be rebuilt. I say rebuilt, because I was not harbouring malice towards you, and was never opposed to be friends with you again as long as things were properly discussed and resolved. However, based on your own unnecessary action, that is clearly no longer an option.
I could be petty and threaten to give you a real reason to feel threatened by my on-line presence. However, to be honest, I have neither motivation nor inclination because my life has so many elements to occupy my attention. I may write a blog entry about this, I may include this in my memoir – or I may forget this in a few weeks...either way I have no reason to give you a real reason to block me on any social media network.
I wish you the best in life, and thank you again, for showing me the value of your character - for nothing shows a person’s character than the treatment they mete out to someone that can do nothing for them in life.
Love Always and Forever,
Ally.
P.S. Do not bother to reply, I probably will not read it; just block this account too.
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