Id, Ego, Superego

Mood: Mellow and content
Music: The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson
Date/Time: Wednesday, September 9th, 2009/10:23AM

Recently I was talking to a colleague turned on-line friend of mine about life, love and everything in between.
I love our discussions, because they are open, honest and free of pretence. He is 45 years old, but doesn't look or act it - and I love that about him. He's not trying to impress me, lecture me or constantly remind me that he is older or wiser. The conversations are always interesting, and I learn more about myself and him - with each discussion.


I showed him a piece I wrote earlier in the year titled Five Years, which he enjoyed. After, he said to me that he enjoys my writing style and thinks I will never be able to find a man locally, not to marry and be happy with, at least.
I confessed to him that I fear he might be right - but my confession is for other reasons.

The intensity and emotion with which I write, and the fact that all my stories contain a piece of me - and the majority are about things I've experienced first hand - might be hard on the typical male ego.
He thinks that the typical West Indian man (who isn't creatively inclined like me) wouldn't understand that I can separate lust/love for another man - from the lust/love I feel for him.
The typical West Indian man would confuse what I wrote and felt - for something I wish to indulge in now.
I make no apologies for using my life as fodder for my writing - I find it's the best way to write - to talk about my experiences and memories because I am so emotionally connected to them that my writing takes on a different tone.

I want my readers to feel what I've experienced - whether it was one night of intense love making - or the worst fight I've been in with a lover.
How can a reader truly understand me, and what I've been through - if they can't feel the passion behind my words?

But I understand what my friend means: it must be hard to read more than one piece when you know none of them are about you, and possibly about men I'm no longer intimate with - but talk to from time to time.
It's easier to co-exist with your current's exes...when you don't have to hear all the details of their time together.

I think maybe I will be lucky enough to find a Jamaican man who understands this is my writing process - if not - I have no problem spending the rest of my life with someone from another country :)

Love, laughter and passion is required, please leave all egos at the door.

Love,
Ally.

Photo Credit: Legs, Handbag, Receipt, Brown Paper Bag; Tuesday, 31st March, 2009